So today I watched quite a lot of tv. I watched a lot of Monk, and I watched some episodes of Psych that I had recorded to my DVR. If you haven't ever watched Monk or Psych, let me just go ahead and tell you, you're a douchebag (which is easily remedied, by just watching the shows of course[New Episodes this Friday on USA, check your local listings]). Right, but enough bashing you for not watching good television, the purpose of this post is actually to discuss the "new" VISA commercial. I say "new" because I think it is the most recent one, and I have been meaning to discuss this for some time.
Ok, so now that you have seen the commercial that I hate more than any other commercial ever, can you figure out why I hate it? It isn't the annoying music, or the fact that it looks like the blue ball machine. No, the reason I hate this commercial, is because VISA makes you look like an asshole if you don't use their card.
I use cash for most purchases at places like restaurants and convenience store type places, because I never have to wait for a debit/credit to go through.
"But wait Warner, VISA just said that if you use a debit card, it is 3908 times faster than using cash! I think you are just being a bastard!"
Never once have I ever seen a debit card/credit card go through in less than 30 seconds. I have worked as a cashier in my day, and as a server, both of which involved heavy dealings with monetary exchange, and people who payed in cash were always the fastest to leave the counter/table. Unless the new VISA cards have some kind of temporal displacement unit in them, making them go back in time to the exact moment after you swiped, then there is absolutely no way it is faster than taking the cash, putting it in the till, and handing back change. I have even decided to be so generous as to break it down in step formation for everyone out there, so they can see what happens during each type of transaction.
Paying with Cash
To save time for everyone, I didn't add the fact that a Debit/Credit transaction can be declined. I know it isn't all that often, but it happens, and that is another inconvenience, and more time wasted.
So yeah, that's why I hate that commercial. It is basically telling you that if you don't use a debit/credit card by VISA when you are in your fruity deli/coffee shop buying stupid shit, not only will you hold up the line, but at least 100 people will be thrown into pure chaos, and they will be unable to stop themselves from the collision course they have plotted with your exact coordinates in timespace and the Universe. So remember kids : Everyone thinks you are an unshaven slobby homo if you don't pay with VISA, asshole.
Ok, so now that you have seen the commercial that I hate more than any other commercial ever, can you figure out why I hate it? It isn't the annoying music, or the fact that it looks like the blue ball machine. No, the reason I hate this commercial, is because VISA makes you look like an asshole if you don't use their card.
I use cash for most purchases at places like restaurants and convenience store type places, because I never have to wait for a debit/credit to go through.
"But wait Warner, VISA just said that if you use a debit card, it is 3908 times faster than using cash! I think you are just being a bastard!"
Never once have I ever seen a debit card/credit card go through in less than 30 seconds. I have worked as a cashier in my day, and as a server, both of which involved heavy dealings with monetary exchange, and people who payed in cash were always the fastest to leave the counter/table. Unless the new VISA cards have some kind of temporal displacement unit in them, making them go back in time to the exact moment after you swiped, then there is absolutely no way it is faster than taking the cash, putting it in the till, and handing back change. I have even decided to be so generous as to break it down in step formation for everyone out there, so they can see what happens during each type of transaction.
Paying with Cash
- Cashier rings up items.
- Cashier tells you the total.
- You reach into your wallet/pocketbook, which should already be in hand, and hand them the closest equivalent to the amount owed. (I.E. handing them a $20 for an $18.58 purchase, etc etc)
- They hand you back your change and receipt.
- You're done.
- Cashier rings up items.
- Cashier tells you the total.
- You reach into your wallet/pocketbook, which should already be in hand, and hand them your debit/credit card, unless you are in a self swiping store.
- If you have handed the cashier your card, they will (or at least are supposed to) look at the back for the signature. If they don't check the back of your card, skip steps 5 and 6.
- Cashier will ask for I.D. if you have requested that they do so on the back of your card (See/Check I.D. written in the signature field) If you have not written this, skip this step.
- Wait for cashier to hand back drivers license.
- Cashier/You will now swipe card.
- Wait for the card to process, usually around 5-15 seconds.
- When prompted tell the cashier "Debit/Credit".
- If debit, insert pin code now. If credit, sign paper/screen.
- Wait for final authorization.
- Success, you have finally finished this 12 step program! Cashier will hand you receipt and you can be on your way.
To save time for everyone, I didn't add the fact that a Debit/Credit transaction can be declined. I know it isn't all that often, but it happens, and that is another inconvenience, and more time wasted.
So yeah, that's why I hate that commercial. It is basically telling you that if you don't use a debit/credit card by VISA when you are in your fruity deli/coffee shop buying stupid shit, not only will you hold up the line, but at least 100 people will be thrown into pure chaos, and they will be unable to stop themselves from the collision course they have plotted with your exact coordinates in timespace and the Universe. So remember kids : Everyone thinks you are an unshaven slobby homo if you don't pay with VISA, asshole.
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